I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
