Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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