i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
