I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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