Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
