so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
