Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
