She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
