I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
