I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
