Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
