At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
