What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
