she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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