When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
