So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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