Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
