My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Congratulations! We have a period
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