Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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