I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My pussy is not your playground.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
did i walk over a car last night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
