Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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