Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
