You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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