you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
