did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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