Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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