I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
