i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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