then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
