i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
