Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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