and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
