I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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