So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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