the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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