Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
