imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
