she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my shit smells like andre
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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