Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
