they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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