I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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