Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
