it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
