New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I believe in your delicious
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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