I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
