Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
