I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
