margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
