Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just gargled with NyQuil
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
