Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
