You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
