Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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