Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
